... One problem that psychology has had is instead of looking at this intersubjectivity, or the importance of the social brain, to humans who come into the world helpless and need each other tremendously, is that they focus instead on the self. and self-esteem, and not self other, is sort of "me," not "we." And I think this has been a really tremendous problem. It goes against our biology and nature. It hasn't made us any happier at all.
Because when you think about it, people are happiest when in flow, when they're absorbed in something out in the world, when they're with other people, when they're active, engaged in sports, focusing on a loved one, learning, having sex, whatever. They're not sitting in front of the mirror trying to figure themselves out, or thinking about themselves. These are not the periods when you feel happiest. And I think the self-esteem movement has made it more difficult for people to be happy.
The other thing is, that a piece of evidence is, is if you look at computerized text analysis of people who commit suicide, what you find there, and it's quite interesting, is use of the first person singular, "I, me, mine," not "we" and "us." And the letters are less hopeless than they are really alone. And being alone is very unnatural to the human. There is a profound need to belong. So self-focused attention brings mood down.
- Excerpted from TED.com: Nancy Etcoff on the surprising science of happiness
